Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
