hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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