so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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