yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
