Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Alive.
So much puke
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
