Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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