Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
