Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
home. puking in laundry basket.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
