According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
