I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize