he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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