I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
