bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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