I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
