I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
