How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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