I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
honey bunches of taint.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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