Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
