ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
