Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
