bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
