just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
