There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
