He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
