Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
