Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
