with your own penis?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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