She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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