Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
