need another drink. this is the easiest way
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
