question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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