SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
