so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
God, I missed his penis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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