are you so shy because you have an std?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
