This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
