before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
