So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
