In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
