also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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