Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
