My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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