i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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