I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
