Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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