I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
