i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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