Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
