If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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