Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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