he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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