I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
