he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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