It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm really busy with my period
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