I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
