im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
