i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
