So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
