chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
